Change

"Just because you come from a rough beginning does not mean  

that is where you must end." 

I like to believe I am a nice person. I also like to think I am a hard worker and good student. Sadly, I was not always this way.

At one point in my life, I was a bully. I was mean and like every other troubled individual, there was a reason why I acted the way I did. During the critical learning period in my life, I learned violence and anger was the way to solve issues or get what you want. So, that is what I did. Fortunately, I reached a point where I decided to change my life. I made the decision to change.

My bad behavior started as early as kindergarten. I would get angry at children who would not share their toys with me, and I would constantly rebel against activities. There was a time I climbed to the top of the play tower and would not come down because I did not want to learn the alphabet. I was surely a troublemaker, and it only got worse as I got older.

Throughout elementary school I would have issues with other students and teachers. At my school, we had a color wheel to chart our behavior every day. Each student had a clip with his or her name on it. If your clip was on green, you were good. If your clip was on yellow, you did something bad. If your clip was on red, you did something bad again, or you did something really bad. Finally, if your clip was on blue, you were sent to the principles office. I was a common red-zone student. In the third grade, I yelled at my teacher and told her how I thought the color wheel was stupid. I told her I did not care if she moved my clip to blue and of course, she did. I also got into three fights throughout elementary school, two of which were with a boy. There was also a time I was sent to the principles office for causing a girl to believe I wanted to kill her. In short, I had a toy voodoo doll and said it was the girl as a joke. Of course, she heard and freaked out. There is a long list of things I did, but I do not have the time to explain them all.

No, I was not a demonic child. I did not enjoy hurting people. In all honesty, I just wanted people to like me. I wanted people to understand me.  I only wanted friends. From my experience, I thought violence was the way to do this. It was in the fifth grade when my eyes were finally opened. I was tired of my peers hating me. I was tired of everyone being against me. I told myself I would change and be a better person.

I also knew I would have to change academically. My brother and sister always told me I would only be able to afford Rhodes State College because our mother had such a low income. They told me I was a poor student like they were. I did not like being told my future was already determined. I told myself I would prove them wrong. I would prove everyone wrong.

Changing was hard. Middle school was a rough transition period. I was smart, but I was still learning the importance of good grades. I was nicer, but I was sensitive, and I still had conflicts with students. I was so defensive from being bullied, I would never believe people were truly being nice to me. Therefore, I found it best to isolate myself.

High school was when I gave it my all. I was going to prove to everyone I was talented and smart. I was going to show my siblings I could get a scholarship to afford a college other than Rhodes. I was going to get people to like me! Sadly, that last part did not work out, but I will save that story for a later blog.

In the end, I participated in every club, organization, and sport my school had to offer. I studied hard and got all A’s. I was the top student in all my classes. I was valedictorian of my class. I got the most scholarship money out of anyone in my class. I fulfilled my goals and now, here I am. I have amazing friends, an amazing boyfriend, and I am attending an amazing college.

You hear people say change is not possible, but this is not true. I am living proof change is possible. There are many children around the world who are told they cannot go beyond where they are. They are told they will not amount to anything. I was one of these children, and I broke the odds. I dream one day I can reach out to these children and let them know they have a chance. They can be more. Just because you come from a rough beginning does not mean that is where you must end.