My philosophy behind “going Dutch”

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Image result for date + payMost people would agree part of what makes going out a date is one person pays for the other. It is almost expected. If you are like me, you think this is a stupid requirement. It does make sense and is acceptable if you are married or in a relationship, but I do not see how it is necessary in the early stages of dating.

Personally, I prefer to “go Dutch.” For those who have not heard this term before, going Dutch means the couple pays separately on a date. Yes, this is uncommon and seems to have a negative connotation, but I do not see it as a bad thing.

First, when a male takes a female on a date, he is almost expected to pay for the female. I think this has become the norm due to the gender stereotype which implies men should take care of women. Now, I am not saying this is bad, but it can be unfair. Now in days, both men and women work and make their own income. Therefore, why couldn’t each individual use the money they make to pay for their food, movie or whatever else they purchase on a date? I know it may seem polite and chivalrous to pay for your date, but we must remember there is more to a person than whether they pay for you.

Second, if you and your date do not hit it off, you may feel like you either wasted money or stole it. Of course, not everyone feels this way, but this is how I have felt in many personal experiences.

Now, I am not saying one should never pay for the other on a date. What it comes down to is personal preference. My preference is to pay for myself. It bothers me if someone insists on paying for me because I feel I am in their debt. I do not want my food to be an extra and unneeded expense of theirs if I am able to pay for it myself.

Therefore, my consensus is this:
  • ·       If you would like to pay for your date, let them know before hand, and make sure they are okay with it. If they prefer to pay for themselves, accept their decision.
  •   If you would like to go Dutch, let your date know before you go out.  Asking them out of the blue if they can pay for themselves or expecting them to on the spot can also be startling or rude. You also cannot tell them you would like to pay separately because you do not want to pay for them. Give a reasonable reason.
  •    If you plan to go out with someone, but are still unsure if it is a date, ask! There is nothing wrong with a conversation to gain a common understanding.

Overall, we are independent and mature adults. We can talk about details like this. If you are not an independent and mature adult, you probably should not be dating in the first place!
Paying for your date should not be a requirement. It is a choice.

Comments

  1. Michaela LongNovember 7, 2018 at 8:29 AM

    I love this post - super interesting views. I think it is something girls don't always take into account. I know for me, my fiancé would pay for our dates in the beginning but now we definitely split things. He will pay sometimes, and I will pay sometimes. We are both in college and he doesn't need to be paying for everything. I know that if I want to go on a super nice date he may not always have the money to pay for the both of us - which is completely understandable! So we often split things. Like you said - there is so much more to a guy than whether they pay or not! Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownNovember 8, 2018 at 9:51 AM

    Interesting viewpoints! I usually try to pay on the first date, and after that it's whatever. It's hard for a guy because we are expected to pay for the date but at the same time that can cost a ton of money. This also just reminded me of my senior prom where she said she would buy dinner and I would buy the tickets. I spend i think $100 on two ticked. At dinner she got only a salad and ended up paying about $50 for both of us, I was slightly heated after that.

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownNovember 14, 2018 at 9:32 AM

    Nice post, love the visuals. I would go dutch, but the dates I have been on the man has always paid, every time. While as a couple, there are free things you can do, most do cost money and can get pretty expensive. Money plays a big role in relationships, it can make or break them.

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